Burying The Hatchet
by Gail Cregg
Summary: One-shots of Ziva being "driven up the hall", assassin fashion,DiNozzo lovin'and stuff.Ah,those American idioms...
1. McGee's Advice

Since the successful conclusion to their last case it had been a quiet few days for the team. As there had been no murdered Marines, pilfering petty officers, corrupt commanders or even any full-of-themselves F.B.I. agents to deal with Ziva and Tony's prank war that had begun during the stakeout had continued unabated. Fortunately a new case had come in and as McGee exits the elevator and crosses the squad room he has a spring in his step and a smile on his face. Surely now his two colleagues would have to take a break from the pranks he thinks as he sits at his desk. At this moment Ziva emerges from under hers and places a small torch upon it.

"Morning McGee."

"Morning Ziva." She wheels her desk chair out into the bullpen and kneels to examine it.

"What are you doing?"

"I am checking that Tony has not booty-trapped it."

"You mean booby-trapped it".

"What do boobs have to do with traps?"

"I ask myself that question every day Officer David. I think the answer is that they are man traps." DiNozzo grins as he joins them. "Why are you talking about breasts probie?"

"I wasn't! Now we've got a case isn't it time you and Tony buried the hatchet Ziva?"

Ziva is still concentrating on studying the chair so the only words that register on her consciousness are Tony, buried and hatchet.

"Have you found the murder weapon Tony?"

"Huh? No."

"Then what is McGee talking about?"

"I'm trying to say that you should bury the hatchet. That is...."

"In Tony's skull" Ziva interrupts with a glimmer of merriment in her eyes. Hoping that she is joking but not at all sure that she is McGee hurriedly continues.

"It's an expression Ziva. It means to reconcile after a quarrel."

"But he started it."

"Did not."

"Did too."

"Stop!" Abby enters the bullpen and the conversation. "We're all so over it. Will you two just make up already."

Ziva gasps and looks horrified. "Tony is not unattractive but he is my colleague, my partner and I would not do _that_ with him if he were the last man on earth" she stammers to a halt as she realises the other three are trying very hard not to burst out laughing. "What!"

McGee bravely attempts to explain "I think you are confusing to make up with to make out. To make up is the same as bury the hatchet. In other words to end the quarrel."

"I will not do that either."

As she pushes her chair back behind her desk Tim sighs. Unless there was a breakthrough in the case soon it was going to be a _very_ long day.


	2. Making Up

Abby's Lab. A few days later. McGee is pacing the floor while Abby works.

"I don't know how much longer I can take this Abby."

"They can't _still_ be at it. Surely there's a limit to the number of pranks they know and what about working on the case?"

"Somehow they're managing to do both and Gibbs hasn't realised. Or at least he hasn't said anything. You know Tony's really just a big kid at heart and the number of things Ziva can do with mere stationery is mind blowing."

"Hmm. Isn't there anything you can do?"

"Ducky suggested there are underlying issues between them and this is a manifestation of that so short of hiding all the office supplies....I don't see what I can do."

"I could kill them and leave no forensic traces" Abby suggests with a gleam in her eyes.

Tim looks hopeful for a moment. "No. I think that is a bit too extreme." Their musings are interrupted by the ringing of Tim's phone. "McGee."

"Get up to the squad room now probie! Oh and bring Abby. We've a situation here and we might need her." DiNozzo hangs up.

"Tony wants us upstairs now."

"I wonder why."

NCIS Squad Room.

McGee and Abby rush into the bullpen to find Tony and Ziva staring at each other.

"What's going on?"

"Use your eyes probie!"

"Huh?"

"Oh my God! You guys are in so much trouble."

"Thanks for your support Abby."

"How did this happen?" queries Tim who has followed Abby's gaze and realised what the problem is.

"As much as it pains me to say it probieone, you were right."

"Can I have that in writing?" Tony glares at him.

"Ziva and I should have buried the hatchet. We were wrestling and you can see what happened. Abby is there some way you can fix this?"

"Some chemicals might work and then if I used my scanner.." Abby muses. "Don't know if I can do it before the Boss gets back though."

"Do what before I get back Abs?" As usual Gibbs has appeared behind them before anyone noticed.

"Ah...nothing Boss."

"Abs!"

"Ask them. Come on McGee we have to...ah...upgrade....that is...reinstall.." Abby grabs McGee's hand and pulls him out of the bullpen.

"DiNozzo, David what is going on here?"

"Well she.." "Tony.." "On the stakeout.." "Then Ziva.." "And I.."

Gibbs sticks two fingers in his mouth and lets out a sharp whistle. "Heh."

They step aside so he can see the mess of spilt coffee that is slowly spreading across the files on his desk.

"Abby thinks she can fix it" Tony starts tentatively.

"And that makes it O.K. DiNozzo?"

"Yes." Gibbs glares.

"No." Tony tries and fails to look contrite.

"Look. I understand you two have been blowing off steam with these pranks and I've been prepared to let it go as it's not been interfering with your work. I've endured flicked items ending up in my coffee, things going mysteriously missing, furniture, computers and phones that have been interfered with and the lack of stationery but this really is the straw that broke the camel's back. You will bury the hatchet now. That is an order."

"Yes Boss."

"Yes Boss."

"Right I'm on my way up to see the Director. Clean this up and then get back to work." Gibbs gives them each a headslap then walks up the stairs. They begin to tidy up his desk.

"Tony?"

"Yes?"

"What does any of this have to do with camels or straws?"

Tony rolls his eyes. She might be a trained assassin and becoming quite a skilled investigator but some things Ziva would just never get.


	3. Conference Room

NCIS Squad Room. Late evening. Several weeks later.

Staring at her computer screen Ziva David finds her mind starting to wander again to the question that she has been puzzling over on and off for the past few weeks. What on earth could straws or as Abby would say thin polystyrene tubes have to do with camels? Then raised voices from across the room interrupt her thoughts.

"It was not me Tony. You had it last."  
"No.I distinctly remember you had it."  
"Did not."  
"Did too."  
"What are you two arguing about?"  
"That file we couldn't find this morning. Probie here is claiming I had it last." Tony glares at McGee.  
"But didn't you find that file?"  
"Yes we did Ziva but that is not the point."  
"Then what is the point Tony?"  
"The point is that it was not me who misfiled it. It was not my mistake."  
"Well Tony it was not mine either." McGee glares at Tony.  
"Would you like my advice?"  
"No" they respond simultaneously.  
"I think that since the file was found it does not matter who misfiled it and you two should make up; should bury the hatchet as it were." The guys stare at her in amazement that she has used the expressions correctly.  
"What?"  
"Congratulations Ms Malaprop that was perfect. Come on probie it's time to bite the bullet and get this over with." Tony and McGee begin to gather their gear.  
"Where are you going?  
"Have to check out some information at the Records Centre in Norfolk but it's from so long ago we have to go down in person to manually search through the files. We're heading out tonight so we can get on it first thing in the morning."  
"Good luck." As they leave the conversation resumes.  
"It's my turn to drive."  
"No, it isn't."  
"Yes, it is."  
Ziva returns to her work.

NCIS Elevator. A sort time later.

Ziva steps into the elevator and smiles upon seeing it's occupant is alone.  
"Good evening Director Shepard. Are you heading home?"  
"Yes."  
Ziva flicks the emergency stop switch.  
"I think you've been spending too much time with Gibbs. I do have an office you know."  
"I wanted to speak to you in private" responds Ziva looking uncharacteristically nervous.  
"I have a small problem and I need your help."  
"Ziva what is it you've done?"  
"I.... that is....it is like this...." she stutters.  
"Have you had _another _accident in an NCIS car?"  
"No and that last one was not my fault."  
"I know. Have you used up all the stationery torturing suspects or your colleagues?"  
Ziva gives a small smile. "I am afraid it is much more serious than that Director."  
Jenny thinks a moment then gasps "Have you finally given in to the urge to kill DiNozzo?"  
Of course if Ziva had done so she would do all she could to support her after all she had saved her life in Cairo but the paperwork....oh the paperwork would be horrendous.

"No, although I won't deny I have been tempted and the problem is related to him. Today he said congratulations Ms Malaprop and then he said something to McGee about biting bullets. I do not understand Jenny. Was it an insult? That would not surprise me coming from him. And why would anyone want to bite a bullet? Is it a way to tell something about it? Like type or if it's been used or not? Or is it about taking a bullet for someone else? And why would Tony or McGee have to? Is Gibbs in trouble again?"

Smiling at her friend and trying not to laugh Jenny attempts to explain.  
"Biting the bullet just means to finally undertake an unpleasant task and far from insulting you Officer David DiNozzo was complimenting you."  
"He was?" Ziva asks the doubt in her mind evident in her voice.  
"Yes. A malapropism is a comical confusion of words and if he was congratulating you I'm guessing you used an expression correctly."  
"Two actually. Making up and burying the hatchet." Ziva smiles proudly.  
"Well done Officer David." Jenny flicks the emergency switch and elevator moves. The doors open and she steps out calling back over her shoulder as she does so "Goodnight Ziva."  
"Goodnight Jen."  
As Ziva steps from the elevator she is smiling. Tony had actually paid her a compliment, she had used two expressions correctly and learnt the meaning of a third. This had been a good day in her attempt to learn American idioms. Now if she could only figure out that whole camels and straws thing....


	4. Tim & Tony Terrified

NCIS Squad Room. A couple of days later. McGee, David and DiNozzo are gathering their gear.

"You drove to Norfolk McGee."  
"You drove back Tony which means it should be my turn."  
"But I am Senior Field Agent and besides...." Tony takes the keys from his pocket and dangles them in front of Tim "I have the keys so I am driving." He smirks with satisfaction then Ziva grabs the keys from him. "Heh!"  
"Since I did that defensive driving course the Director has taken me off probation. I am allowed to drive again and so _I_ will drive today." The guys just stare at her.  
"Do you have a problem with that?"  
"No" "No" Tim and Tony answer unconvincingly.  
"Then let's roll. Remember what doesn't kill you makes you stronger." She heads towards the elevator. The guys exchange a horrified look each having exactly the same thought. The way Ziva drove at the end of this journey would they be stronger or would they be dead?


	5. Assassin Fashion

"Morning probie" Tony greets his colleague as he enters the squad room and sits at his desk.  
"Morning Tony."  
"Hey did you see Abby before she left last night?"  
"No. Why?" He looks over at DiNozzo puzzled at the question.  
"The autopsy gremlin was just trying to describe her outfit to me but he seemed fixated on her shoes. He did say she looked even better than in her Halloween costume though. Did our Goth goddess have a hot date last night?"  
"Oh, yeah. I forgot. Marty was taking her to some work thing. Apparently it was quite a big deal. I'm sorry I missed it."  
"Me too probie. Palmer said she was definitely dressed to kill."  
"Who?"  
"Zee-vah! How many times do I have to tell you not to sneak up one me?" He glares at her as she walks around into the bullpen. "And anyway who what?"  
"Who was dressed to kill?"  
"Abby."

"Abby was dressed to kill?" This did not make any kind of sense. While she was a trained assassin and always went about prepared to kill carrying at least one weapon Abby was a forensic scientist and should not need to. Surely if there was some type of threat Abby should have let the team handle it. Then again the Goth was fiercely independent and Ziva could easily imagine her causing serious injury or even death with some of the accessories she habitually wore.

"Yes."  
"Who?" The guys exchange a confused glance.  
"Who what?" Tim asks patiently.  
"Who was Abby going to kill?"

"No-one Ziva." DiNozzo grins at her enjoying her confusion.  
"But you just said....."  
"It's just an expression" Tim interrupts sensing the conversation was beginning to get out of control. "It means she was dressed up....looking really hot.....good enough to kill someone just by her appearance."  
"Oh. So what was she wearing?" Although she knew many ways to kill it was always good to discover new methods.  
"Well it was black of course and Palmer said it had this plunging neck..."  
"It's you that'll be doing some _plunging _if you don't get back to work DiNozzo!"  
"On it Boss."  
As the agents return to work Ziva makes a mental note to find out exactly what Abby had been wearing and find out how the date went too.


	6. With Lashings Of Tongue

The following chapter is rated T.  


* * *

NCIS Squad Room.

"Hey probilicous did you hear..." Tony calls out as he enters the bullpen grinning.

"Oh yeah. I heard." McGee looks up from his desk also grinning.

"Heard what?" enquires Ziva from her desk but the guys ignore her.

"We really need to get a security camera in the elevator."

"That we do McGee. That we do but you know the Boss will never go for it." He shakes his head.

"Why do we need a camera in the elevator? What has happened?" Ziva walks over to them.

"Well..."

"Tony!"

"Apparently there were three or four people in the elevator and Abby and that new guy from the mailroom...."

"The one with the creepy eyes?" She'd offered to speak to him as Abby had said the way he looked at her made he uncomfortable but Abby had said she'd take care of it herself.

"Yes. Anyway they were in the back and he...."

"He what Tony?" Sometimes it took all her willpower not to simply kill him when he was like this.

McGee decides to intervene. "He put his hand under her skirt and started massaging her butt."

"Oh no! What did she do?" The guys chuckle.

"First she stepped forward and flicked the emergency stop switch and then she gave him quite a dressing down."

"Annie from personnel said it was the most impressive tongue lashing she'd ever seen."

Ziva just stares at the guys a little puzzled. Of course she knew Abby was adventurous when it came to guys. They had even had a couple of interesting conversations at the bar about the use of handcuffs but even for her this sounded a bit extreme. Undressing the guy in an elevator with other people watching just because he'd rubbed her butt? And what had she been doing with her tongue?

Observing her puzzlement Tim suddenly realises they have used expressions with which she might not be familiar. "To dress someone down means to scold them and a tongue-lashing is basically the same thing especially loudly or at length."

"Oh."

"But that is not the end of the story though" continues DiNozzo. "Next she pulls her handcuffs from her shirt pocket and cuffs him to the rail at the back of the elevator. Then as if nothing has happened she flicks the emergency switch and when the doors open goes off in search of Gibbs."

"Ouch!" interjects Tim.

"Ouch?"

DiNozzo grins. "When the Boss is done with him not only will he have lost his job but he won't be able to get it up for some time." The guys laugh as they go back to work. Sitting at her desk Ziva wonders get what up.....?


	7. DiNozzo Lovin'

As they step from the elevator and walk into the squad room Tony is grinning at Tim.

"Yeah, probilicious by end of a weekend of DiNozzo lovin' she was dead on her feet." McGee rolls his eyes as they settle in at their desks.

"Have we another body?" Ziva enquires from across the room. She had been focusing on the report she was preparing and only caught the end of the sentence.

"No, Officer David. We do not have a case." Tony gives her that look that one day would probably make her do a Gibbs and headslap him or maybe worse.

"But you said someone was dead. What are you guys talking about?"

"The Sex Machine here was telling me all about his weekend." Tim didn't really want to hear about it but he was the probie and had no say in the matter.

"I thought we agreed never to mention my pledge name again." Tony glares at him.

"Sorry" Tim responds half-heartedly. Ziva is still looking puzzled.

"You were....ah...making love and the woman _died_." Even for DiNozzo he was being a bit too casual about it.

"No, Zee-vah. By the end of the weekend with the DiNozzo love god she was dead on her feet."

Sensing in his gut that the situation is about to turn ugly McGee jumps in.

"To be dead on your feet just means to be really tired. To be exhausted."

"You were so boring she fell asleep when you were doing it?" Ziva suggests with a grin.

"McGee! David!" barks Gibbs entering the bullpen ripping a page from a notebook.

"Here's the name of the victims girlfriend. I am going to bring her in and I want you two to provide me with background for the interrogation." He hands the paper to Ziva.

"On it Boss" they reply simultaneously.

"DiNozzo! You're with me."

"On your six Boss." He begins to gather together his gear as Gibbs heads to the elevator.

"Come on love god."

NCIS Observation Room.

Tony and Ziva are watching through the glass as Gibbs enters the room and sits down opposite the suspect.

"What a babe." He actually didn't think she was that hot but knew his comment would annoy Ziva.

"Tony!"

"What?" he asks in mock innocence.

"She is a suspect in a murder enquiry. In fact given what we were able to find out she had the means, the opportunity and as for motive...."

"That doesn't mean she is not a babe." He shuts up as Gibbs starts to speak.

NCIS Interrogation.

"I know you said you won't speak until your lawyer arrives so how about I begin." There is no response from the opposite side of the table. "You tricked Lieutenant Robinson into giving you several large amounts of money not only from his savings but also from the trust fund that had been set up for him by his family. He gave it to you for you to invest in shares and various businesses. You were able to do this because not only were you his investment adviser but also his girlfriend." Still there is no response from the woman. "Only the businesses do not exist and you put that money into your own account. While he was away risking his life for others you and man you really love were planning to leave the country with Robinson's money and the money you've scammed from several other men. You had it set up so that it would look like Robinson was responsible for the scam."

NCIS Observation.

"Phew. What a back stabbing bitch."

"Are you O.K. Tony or are you also dead on your feet after your big weekend?" If he didn't know better he'd have said she sounded concerned about him.

"What are you talking about Ziva?"

"Well, don't you remember what Ducky said about Robinson's death?"

"Yes. So?"

"So, he said that Robinson was drugged and then smothered."

"Yeah." Tony responds a little testily.

"Ducky did not say anything about stabbing. In the back or otherwise."

"Um. Ziva it's like this..."

"What!" but unfortunately or perhaps fortunately for him, at that moment the lawyer arrives so his explanation would have to wait until later.

* * *

Author's Confession - After writing a Ziva chapter in another story this started as a one-shot that turned into a three chapter story. Now I'm just adding one-shots as I think of them as I'm having fun writing this. What I'm trying to say is that this is a plotless story....it is not "going anywhere". Hope you're enjoying reading it as much as I am writing it and thanks for the reviews. Gail.


	8. Stirring Up Trouble

Tony sighs as he surveys the densely wooded area in front of him and snaps on his gloves.  
"I really hate outdoor crime scenes."  
"Why is that Tony?" Ziva queries as she comes up behind him with McGee following her.  
"Listen and learn Officer David. Listen and learn. At an outdoor crime scene it is harder to define a perimeter, harder to find stuff and harder to know if said stuff is relevant. Also there is a greater chance of finding stuff that will sting, bite, scratch, smell...."  
"Itch" interjects McGee with a pained look as he remembers crime scenes he's attended in the past.  
"Smell and itch" finishes DiNozzo glaring at Tim for interrupting. "That's why I say indoor is better. Let's get to it." They split up and begin to search the area cordoned off by crime scene tape.  
"So Tony why do you think Gibbs was in with the Director so long last night?"  
"I dunno probie. It could be what happened on that case last month or the budget or getting a new agent or personal....anything really. It was much longer than usual though so I would like to know."  
"If you are that interested Tony why don't you just ask him or her?" Ziva suggests absently as she kneels down and begins to clear away some leaves from around an object.  
The guys laugh. "I'm not prepared to stir up that hornets nest Ziva."  
"Why would you want to disturb a nest? Have you found something?"  
"No, Ziva we were talking about a hornets nest." Tony grins at her in his usual highly annoying manner.  
"I thought a hornet is a type of plane?' she questions getting even more puzzled.  
"It is. It is also an expression. To stir up a hornets nest is to stir up trouble which is _exactly_ what would happen if I questioned Gibbs on his meeting with the Director or her on her meeting with him."  
"So it really would be best to let sleeping dogs lie" chimes in McGee.  
"Huh?"  
"Probie! You're not helping!"  
"Sorry."

A phone rings. "DiNozzo." He listens a moment. "On it Boss." He hangs up. "Boss wants us back right now. Gather your gear and let's roll people."  
As they head back to the car Tony murmurs "I wonder what's so urgent."  
"Maybe he wants to explain his meeting with the Director." Ziva suggests with a mischievous glint in her eyes.  
"Maybe he does." Tony responds with a grin.  
"Just remember one thing though" her tone becomes serious.  
"What's that?"  
"Curiosity killed the cat and it could as easily kill a Senior Field Agent."  
Tony lets out a horrified gasp and Ziva takes the opportunity to jump into the driver's seat.  
"I really do hate outdoor crime scenes. Nothing good ever happens at them."


	9. Sleeping In

_*This chapter is basically a continuation of Chapter 6 (although you don't have to have read that to understand this) so it is also rated T and contains content that is unsuitable for younger readers. Also this series takes place very early after Ziva's arrival at NCIS and she's such a difficult character to write which is why she sometimes comes across as a bit more clueless than I think she really is.*_

* * *

Mid-morning.

The agents are seated at their desks in the sqaud room; McGee and Ziva working hard on their paperwork and Tony flicking bits of paper at them. Suddenly Tim lets out a low groan causing his colleagues to turn and stare at him. He is sitting with his head in his hands.

"Are you O.K. McGroaner?" Even when concerned about him Tony couldn't resist using a Mcnickname.  
"Yes."  
"Are you sure McGee? That did not sound O.K." enquires Ziva.  
"Yes. I'm fine." He looks across at them.  
"Gee McGee you look like death warmed up."  
"Thanks Tony."  
"Did you have a big night last night? Was the probie probing alone or was someone else probing the probie? Details McGee. We need details." As Tony continues teasing McGee Ziva returns her attention to her computer.  
Tim glares at him. "No, Tony. I was on my own and I'm not sure if it's the crazy hours we've been keeping lately or if I'm coming down with something but I had a lot of trouble getting up this morning."

The last part of the sentence breaks into Ziva's concentration. Aha! she thinks. Getting up was what the guys had been talking about the other day and from what McGee was saying must have something to do with sleep. With getting up in the morning. That made perfect sense. If Gibbs had dealt with the guy in the elevator who had harassed Abby there was a good chance he would have hurt him in some way and then the guy would definitely have difficulty getting out of bed. She smiles to herself. Another expression learnt. The only thing she was not sure about was that the other day she thought they'd said getting it up but just now she'd only heard getting up. Maybe she just hadn't heard McGee right since she'd been focused on the file she was reading. Getting back to work she makes a mental note to try out the expression soon.

NCIS Squad Room. Late Morning. Several Days Later.

Gibbs walks in holding two cups of coffee.

"You got me coffee Boss?" Gibbs just keeps walking to his desk. "Of course not but why two?"  
"Why not?"  
"Do you need a pick me up? Actually you are looking a bit peaky Boss. Maybe you're coming down with whatever McGee had." Gibbs just stares back at him. "Ah. Forgot you don't get sick."  
"You do not get sick?" Ziva enquires.  
"Never." He shrugs and starts tapping on his computer keyboard.  
"Tony is right though you do look a little peaky. Perhaps you should get Ducky to take a look at you."  
"No."  
Ignoring Tony's frantic hand signals to drop the matter she continues as it really was worrying to see Gibbs looking like this.  
"But Gibbs...."  
"Ziva!! I am fine. It's just the hours we've been working."  
"Ah" she smiles with sudden understanding. "Did you have trouble getting it up this morning?"  
Gibbs just stares at her as her colleagues exchange horrified glances. Tony grabs his gear.  
"Come on probies. I've found a witness in that cold case we need to interview."  
"_All_ of us?"  
"Yes, Ziva. Now!"  
As Tony, Tim and Ziva enter the elevator Gibbs hears Ziva's next question ringing out "What did I say?" He chuckles and thinks I'd love to hear Tony try and explain this one.


	10. Sleeping In 2

*This chapter is also unsuitable for younger readers. It continues from the previous one.*

NCIS Squad Room. Later The Same Day.

Ziva crosses from her desk to stand in front of Tony's. "So are you going to tell me DiNozzo?"  
"Tell you what Officer David?" Of course he knows exactly what she's talking about but has absolutely no desire to have this conversation with her.  
"Tony! Tell me what was wrong with what I said."  
"What you said when?"  
"This morning. What was wrong with what I said to Gibbs? I know he likes to think of himself as the strong, tough guy team leader but what was so wrong with commenting on his health and suggesting he see Ducky? I do not understand why he looked so shocked."  
"Well you see Ziva it's like this...that is..." Tony turns his head to look at the desk next to him where Tim is struggling not to laugh as he listens in. "Probie!"  
"Yes Tony?"  
"Explain to Ziva what was wrong with she said." He grins at McGee who is starting to blush.  
"Ah."  
"Would one of you explain now or I may have to get out my paperclips!"  
"Probie!"  
"O.K. then. Ziva getting it up has nothing to do with sleeping."  
"It does not?" She queries in a puzzled tone. "I thought it was about getting your body out of bed in the morning." The guys chuckle.  
"No Ziva. It has to do with the part of guy's anatomy that...well you know...when a guy is...it becomes..." McGee stutters as Abby enters the bull pen.  
"Hey guys what's going on?"  
"McStutter here is trying to explain to Officer David the meaning of 'getting it up'."  
"Why?"  
"Because when Gibbs said he was just tired she asked if he had trouble getting it up this morning."  
Abby grins as she walks up to Ziva and whispers in her ear.  
Ziva's eyes widen as she let's out a startled "Oh! Thanks for getting me out of here then Tony." She gathers her things from behind her desk. "Good night."  
"You're welcome. Good night" he calls as she leaves.  
"I would've loved to see the look on Gibbs face" Abby comments as the guys gather their gear.  
"Yeah, it was classic." Tony responds coming out from behind his desk as Tim does the same.  
"Ouch!" they both cry out simultaneously as Abby headslaps them.  
"What was that for?"  
"Teasing Ziva. That's not nice Tony. Not nice at all."  
"But it is fun..." Abby raises her hand. "Not funny. Not funny Won't happen again.."  
"Good." Abby links her arms through theirs and they head towards the elevator. As the doors open and they step in she turns to DiNozzo and asks with a cheeky grin "So Tony you are looking a bit tired. Did _you_ have trouble getting it up this morning?" The doors close as they collapse helpless with laughter against the walls.


	11. You Did What?

NCIS 'Conference Room'.

"Good morning Ziva" Abby cheerfully greets her friend as she steps into the elevator.  
"Good morning Abs" Ziva responds with a big smile as she presses a button.  
"Did you have a good weekend?"  
"Yes, I did. I slept with Tony."  
"You did what?" Abby lunges forward and flicks the emergency stop switch.  
"Slept with Tony" Ziva replies turning to her with a puzzled frown. Abby hugs her.  
"Go you. Was it good?" Ziva just stares at her. "No, don't answer that. On second thoughts I don't want to know. Just don't tell the Boss though. I don't think he'd approve." She flicks the emergency switch again and when the doors open bounds out into the squad room. As Ziva steps out behind her she thinks approve what?

Abby's Lab.

"You won't believe this McGee."  
"What?"  
"Ziva slept with Tony on the weekend."  
"What! You're kidding right? Is this prank-the probie day or something?"  
"She told me this morning."  
"Oh..." is all Tim can think of to say as he is too busy picking his jaw up off the floor.  
"Well it's not like we didn't see it coming. I'm just surprised it's taken them this long but good for them. Dunno how the Boss will take it though and you know it's impossible to keep a secret from him besides being a very, very bad idea trying to do so and..."  
"What's going on in here?" Abby and Tim turn to see Tony leaning in the doorway. Abby rushes over to him and flings her arms around him. "I'm so happy for you Tony. It took you long enough." She steps back and grins at him.  
"What are you talking about Abs?" he queries as he steps into the room.  
She takes a sip of Caf-Pow! before responding. "I heard you had a big weekend."  
"Ah, no. It was fairly quiet actually."  
"Really?"  
"What are you trying to say Abs?"  
"It's O.K. Tony we know. She told us."  
"Who told you what?"  
"Ziva told me that she slept with you. Don't worry Tony we won't blow your cover with the Boss." Tony laughs.  
"What's funny about that?"  
"Well I won't deny I did sleep with Ziva..."  
"Oh, my God!"  
"That is we shared a bed..."  
"And about time too."  
"Abs!"  
"Sorry."  
"It was only because there was a problem with the heating in her building so she is staying with me for a few days."  
"And it was very kind of Tony to offer" adds Ziva as she enters the room. "The Boss wants you back upstairs Tony and he said to tell you McGee and Abby that he wants that analysis done by lunchtime so he hopes you two are working hard."  
"Right then." The two of them leave.  
"Well it looks like you got that one wrong Abby." McGee grins at her.  
"No, I didn't. They are sleeping together just not how I thought. I wish Ziva would get her expressions straight." They settle in at the computers and start to work.

NCIS 'Conference Room'.

"So I told Abby we slept together."  
"Yeah, I worked that out. Why did you do that?"  
"Well we did. She seemed really happy about it for some reason. I do not understand why that would be?" she asks as she steps out of the elevator.  
"Um...that is...you see..." he stammers following her.  
"We've got a case."Never before has Tony been so glad for a Gibbs interruption. "DiNozzo gas the truck. Ziva call Ducky and McGee."  
As she begins to gather her gear Ziva fleetingly wonders about Abby's remark not to tell the Boss she'd slept with Tony and as he gathers his Tony makes a mental note to buy her a book on American expressions. He also wonders if they ever will get around to doing more than merely sleeping together.


	12. She Did What?

*Chapter 12 has been removed because of 'creative stifiling'.*


	13. Never Mess With An Assassin

NCIS Car Park.

"No."  
"But Tony..."  
"I said no Ziva and I am the senior field agent" he continues grinning.  
"You know it was not my fault. He does not have to know. I can do this Tony. Why are you being such a lard ass?"  
"Hard ass Ziva. It's hard ass and you know the Director said you are not allowed to drive an NCIS car again for at least six months since you crashed into his and..."  
"It was only a little scrape" she interrupts impatiently stepping closer to him. "And besides driving helps me relax. If I do not get to relax I might have to take out my frustrations by _hurting_ someone. Understand?" She glares at him and he steps back.  
"She has a point there Tony."  
"Who asked you anyway McInterruptus?" Tony turns to glare at Tim.  
"I'm just saying that if she wanted to Ziva could..."  
"Enough already! I give in. I'll drive it out of the Navy Yard and then you can drive the rest of the way. Are you happy now?"  
"Yes."  
"Good." Tony and Tim begin walking away looking for their car.  
Ziva watches for a moment then hurries to join them thinking to herself that Tony really did have a nice hard ass.


	14. The Truth About Cats & Dogs

"_Ducky drip it"  
"Do you mean drop it or zip it?"  
"American idioms drive me up the hall!"  
Ducky & Ziva in Hiatus.

* * *

_

NCIS Squad Room. Ziva is working at her desk as McGee and DiNozzo stand at the windows.

"Hey, Ziva you have to come and look at this."  
"What is it Tony? I am trying to get some work done here."  
"But it's lunch time Ziva so you should be taking a break. Keep that mind fresh. Anyway we don't have a case so what are you working on?"  
"I promised Abby I would help with these invitations to her birthday party so I'm just sitting here pushing the envelopes."  
Tim and Tony grin at her mistake. "Leave it a moment and come and look at this."  
Ziva sighs and walks over to them. "What is all the fuss about?" A loud crack of thunder is heard.  
"There!' Tony points. "Look at that lightening. Isn't it spectacular?"  
"Yes. I will admit this storm is pretty amazing. I have not experienced weather quite like this before. Sometimes I think the rain will never stop."  
"Yep. It's been raining cats and dogs for the last three days now."  
"What McGee?"  
"I said it's been raining cats and dogs. It's an expression."  
"And is this a _good_ thing?"  
"Ah. I'm not sure...that is..."  
"Stop using your words probie. It is what it is Ziva. Just a whimsical way to say it's raining a lot."  
Ziva stares at him with a puzzled frown. "Whimsical?"  
"You know. Playful. Cute. Child-like. Charming."  
"Unlike you." She grins.  
"Very funny." He glowers at her.  
"Hey, look at that Tony." She points.  
"What?"  
"I think two cats and a dog just landed on you car." Smiling she walks back to her desk.  
"You know McGee I think Ziva might understand whimsy after all." He and Tim walk back to their desks and get back to work.


	15. Jimmy's Dark Side

NCIS Squad Room.

As she tries to concentrate on the old case files Gibbs had given her to review the newest member of the team finds herself becoming distracted as part of a conversation she recently overheard repeats in her mind. What should I do about this? Do I need to do anything? After all information is power and having such information on a colleague could come in quite handy one day. Then again by telling Gibbs it would be another way of proving her loyalty to NCIS. Maybe it would help her to gain the trust of the other team members too. Naturally Jenny and Gibbs were accepting of her place here but she can still feel the resentment from the others especially DiNozzo. Unfortunately her presence cannot help but be a constant reminder of the absence of Kate and the reason for that absence. She sighs and continues reading.

Abby's Lab.

"Psst, Abby. Psst." Abby jumps and then turns to glare at Jimmy who is standing in the doorway.  
"Sorry." He walks into the room.  
"What is it Palmer?"  
He looks around. "Well. Um. You see..."  
"Jimmy!" She continues to glare but then seeing that he is obviously agitated smiles and softens her tone. "Come on Jimmy tell Auntie Abby what the problem is."  
"It's Ziva."  
"Why? What's Officer _David_ done now?"  
"I feel like she's watching me."  
Abby chuckles. "Watching you?"  
"Yes. This whole last week. Before that she was friendly. Like if we ran into each other in the elevator or at the vending machines she'd say Hi or ask how I'm doing you know stuff like that. But ever since Monday when she came down to pick up the Dawson file I feel like she's been watching me and she's not smiled once."  
Abby smiles at him. "Oh, Jimmy I'm sure you're just imaging things. Officer David is a trained Mossad operative and I guess being on the alert all the time is a good skill for a killer."  
"Hmm. I guess you're right. Thanks Abby." He leaves and she returns to her microscope.

NCIS Squad Room. Late That Evening.

Ziva looks up from her desk and discovering she and Tim are the only ones left in the office crosses the room to his desk. "McGee."  
"What is it Ziva?"  
"I have a problem and I need your help."  
"Sure."  
"It is about Dr Mallard's assistant." She looks around the room nervously.  
"Jimmy?"  
"Yes."  
"But he's a great assistant. We went through a couple after Gerald was..." McGee stops a little embarrassed.  
"Shot by Ari. I know." She grins ruefully at him.  
"It's not everyone who can handle the gore and working with Ducky has it's own set of challenges no doubt. So what is the problem with Jimmy?"  
"I think he is a alone fish."  
"An alone fish?" McGee stares up at her puzzled and thinking hard.  
"Yes. An alone fish. You know a guy who loans out money with exorbitantly high interest and hurts people who are unable to pay him back."  
"Oh, you mean a loan shark." McGee laughs. "And you think_ Jimmy_ is one?"  
"Yes or he might be being blackmailed."  
"Why do you think this Ziva?"  
"When I went down to Autopsy the other day I heard Jimmy talking on the phone and he was telling someone to break a leg. That certainly sounds like the behaviour of a loan shark or someone being threatened to me. To be honest I was surprised. Does NCIS not do any kind of checking on its employees?"  
"Of course we ! Oh! I think I know what happened." McGee laughs.  
"What!"  
"Jimmy was telling me the other day about his niece's school play. It's a fundraiser and he's been trying to sell tickets to everyone."  
"So?"  
"So, Ziva. The concert was on Monday night and I know he was worried about her performance. He couldn't go so I'm guessing he was calling to wish her good luck."  
"And what does this have to do with breaking someones legs?"  
"I'm betting he was talking to his niece and said 'break a leg' which is a theatrical expression meaning good luck."  
"Oh. That makes sense. Good night McGee."  
"Good night." Tim waits until the elevator doors close before he bursts into unrestrained laughter. The idea of Jimmy Palmer as an alone fish was simply too ridiculous for words.

NCIS Elevator. The Next Morning.

"Good morning Jimmy." She smiles at him as she enters.  
"Good morning Ziva." They ride in silence for a moment then the doors open and she steps out calling back over her shoulder "Have a nice day."  
"You too." It is several seconds before he picks his jaw off the floor and heads to Autopsy.


	16. Circle Of Life

*Tag to Nine Lives but you don't need to have seen that to understand this.  
I've tried to write it so it doesn't give away what actually happens in the episode.*

* * *

NCIS Squad Room. Tony,Ziva and Tim are eating Chinese and watching the news.

"A power struggle is already underway among those eager to fill Azari's shoes. Two of Azari's lieutenants were gunned down in south east DC..." Tony points the remote and turns off the plasma then continues eating. "Well, that's that then. Bad guy dead more bad guys taking over. Case closed" he says through a mouthful of food.  
"It is how the world works Tony."  
"Right you are Ziva. It is the circle of life...the path unwinding..." He hums a little. "Or should that be circle of death?"  
"Huh?"  
"The Lion King."  
"Huh?"  
"It's a movie Officer David."  
"I should have guessed."  
"Do you think Fornell will come out of this O.K.?"  
"Of course he will probie."  
"I dunno Tony. The FBI does like having its scapegoats. Maybe he'll be made an example of."  
"Don't be silly McAnxious. Fornell is like Gibbs. He will never leave unless he wants to. They need him and even if they did consider removing or punishing him in some way I'm sure Fornell knows where all the bodies are buried. No doubt he won't be shy in reminding his Director of that fact."  
McGee grins. "So maybe we won't have to put up with Agent Sacks taking over after all."  
Tony glares at him. "Don't even joke about it. That is so not funny."  
"Did Agent Fornell used to be in covert operations?"  
"No."  
"Was the FBI Director?"  
"No. What are you getting at Ziva?"  
"I just wished to know how Agent Fornell's knowledge of where some bodies are buried could influence the Director not to punish him. I assumed it had something to do with deaths caused in secret operations."  
The guys chuckle. "I was not referring to actual bodies Ziva. Knowing where the bodies are buried is just an expression. Like 'having a skeleton in the closet'..."  
"Is that like an elephant in the room?" she interrupts.  
"No. It means Fornell will know all about any mistakes or embarrassing incidents in the Director's past and will use them if needed as leverage to get what he wants."  
"Like dirty pictures."  
DiNozzo's eyebrows raise in astonishment. "You don't know buried bodies but you do know dirty pictures?" he asks grinning.  
"It is a valid technique to compromise intelligence operatives. I have used it many times."  
"Do tell Officer David."  
As she begins to recount a previous mission she also wonders what Fornell could have on the FBI Director and makes a mental note to find out. That information could come in useful one day. Tony starts to sing "The circle of life..." and promptly spills the remains of his meal over his suit.  
"Damn!" He stands and brushes the food off and into the bin. "I'm out of here." He grabs his stuff and heads for the elevator as his colleagues call out good night. McGee and David wisely refrain from laughing until the elevator doors close.  
"I wonder if Tony knows where Gibbs' bodies are buried?"  
"Why?"  
"It would explain a lot" she replies with a mysterious smile.  
"Like what?" McGee responds not sure he really wants to know the answer.  
"Yes Officer David like what?" a quiet voice questions from behind her.  
"Gibbs! We were just...that is..." Gibbs just stares at her.  
"Heading home" chimes in McGee grabbing his gear and crossing to Ziva's desk.  
"Exactly! Good night Gibbs." She quickly grabs her things and they head to the elevator.  
"Night Boss." As the elevator doors close they both let out sighs of relief.  
Back at his desk Gibbs lips twitch in what might be the beginning of a smile. The case was closed, the meeting with the FBI Director went well and Fornell would be O.K. Sometimes knowing where the bodies are buried could be a very useful thing indeed.


	17. Mending Fences

NCIS Squad Room.

"I'm telling you probie you've got it all wrong."  
"But it's the scenario that makes the most sense." McGee glares at DiNozzo as he continues. "Petty Officer Darren Brown" He brings the photo of Brown up on the plasma. "stole the items from the supply depot where he worked and passed them on to his brother." He brings the photo of Brown's brother up on the screen. "John Brown who in addition to running a pawn shop had a nice sideline in stolen property. When the Petty Officer found out the supply depot was going to be audited he wanted to lay low for awhile but his greedy brother wanted to keep going. They argue. John kills his brother and then disappears." He brings up the photo of Brown's body at the crime scene.  
"No." DiNozzo shakes his head.  
"Well what do you think happened Senior Field Agent DiNozzo?"  
"I think it was the woman."  
"What a surprise" mutters Ziva.  
"What was the Officer David?"  
"Nothing" she responds trying and utterly failing to look innocent. "Tell us more Tony."  
"I think Darren's girlfriend" He brings her picture up. "Janice Smith found out about his activities and that he was putting their whole future together at risk. To make matters worse she had recently found out she is pregnant. She goes to confront him. They argue. She shoves him. He falls back, hits his head and dies. Remember Ducky said many of the injuries were caused postmortem? Well it is my contention they were caused by a furious woman continuing to hit and kick the man who has caused her so much pain." He grins at his colleagues as if expecting a round of applause.  
"My scenario is more likely Tony. We don't even know if she knew what her boyfriend was up to."  
"Ah but you forget the most important thing McLogic."  
"What's that?"  
"The rage."  
"The rage?"  
"Yes. If John had killed his brother it would've been a practical matter. The removal of a threat. This..." He waves a hand at the pictures on the plasma. "clearly shows anger towards the victim. It has to be the girlfriend. Your guy is just a small time fence. He's..."  
"Straight and white" Ziva chimes in.  
"Huh?"  
"Like a picket fence, yes?" She grins at them.  
"Huh?"  
"You said he was a small time fence."  
"A fence Ziva is simply another name for a receiver of stolen goods who then passes them on to a third party."  
"Oh."  
"So as I was saying I don't think John would display that level of violence. It was the girlfriend."  
"And I still think it was the brother because he's disappeared."  
"And I think both your theories have merit. That is..." chimes in Ziva.  
"Well why don't you get off the fence and find me some evidence that proves your case." Gibbs contributes from behind Tony.  
"On it Boss. Going to interview the girlfriend right now." Tony hurriedly gathers his gear as the Boss adds "Take Ziva." She gathers her gear and she and Tony head for the elevator. As the doors close behind them she asks "What fence was Gibbs talking about?"


	18. McGee To The Rescue

NCIS Squad Room. Very Late Friday Night.

Tim is frowning at something on his computer screen when his concentration is broken by the ringing of his phone. "Special Agent McGee."  
"McGee I need your help."  
"Ziva is that you? I can hardly hear you."  
"I really need you to come and help me. You know Gibbs sent me to the Naval Records Facility to look for information on the commander's history."  
"Yes."  
"Well it is much more complicated than we first thought and now I'm bound up in red tape and I _really_ need your help."  
McGee sighs. "I know paperwork is a nuisance. All that filling in forms in triplicate but I'm the only one here. Gibbs and Tony went to interview the CO. Can't you take care of it on your own?"  
"If I could I would not be calling you would I?" Assuming this is a purely rhetorical question McGee doesn't bother to reply. "Please will you come and help me?"  
"Sure. When I finish..."  
"Now McGee!" She hangs up. McGee gathers his gear, shuts down his computer and heads out.

Naval Records Facility.

After showing his credentials to the guard on the front desk McGee heads to the section where he knows Ziva should be. He enters a large room like an airport hanger that is filled with shelving that is covered in boxes and dust. "Ziva."  
"I'm down here McGee." He walks to the end of the hanger and turns a corner his eyes widening in disbelief at what he discovers there.  
"Are you O.K.?"  
"Sure. Just a bit embarrassed. Help me out here would you?"  
As he takes out his knife and begins to cut away at the tape binding her hands he can't resist saying "I see you weren't joking about the tape."  
"Why would I joke about that?"  
"Well...actually never mind. What happened?"  
"I think the clerk that has been helping me the past few days either knows something or was paid to prevent me from finding information. He kept offering to help and bringing me cups of coffee. I suspect he slipped a drug into something he gave me at lunch. I passed out and when I woke up I was tied up like this."  
"So how did you call me?"  
"I managed to free my feet and used them on the wall phone to call you. Of course I had to put it on speaker to be able to talk to you." She sits up and rubs at her wrists.  
"Of course."  
"So I guess we need to find that clerk and find out what the hell is going on."  
"Yeah. We should also get you checked out too." They begin to walk back through the building. "Look Ziva I'm sorry I didn't take you seriously at first when you mentioned red tape and really someone should have come with you to..."  
"It is O.K. McGee. You could not have known what would happen. None of us thought anyone here might be involved or that there was the potential for one of us to be hurt or at least tied up." She smiles at him. "We all had this down as a fraud, an intellectual crime by geeks, a white shirt crime."  
"Ah, Ziva. It's actually..."  
"What?"  
Considering what she's just been through McGee decides it's probably prudent to delay an explanation of the expression white collar crime to another time. "Nothing Ziva. Nothing at all. Let's get you back to Ducky."


	19. It's All In Your Head

As she begins to stuff items in her briefcase Jenny suddenly remembers she has one more task to undertake before heading home. Glancing at her watch she realises it is almost midnight but she suspects the person she is about to call will still be at their desk. She picks up the phone and dials.  
"Officer David."  
"I had a message you need to speak to me Ziva."  
"Yes. I need your help with Special Agent Gibbs."  
"I'm not sure if I can do that Ziva. He is the team leader. I told you when you undertook to join us as liaison officer that you would face difficulties integrating into the team. You told me you were confident you could handle them."  
"I certainly can Director Shepard but there is one particular thing I require help with."  
"What's that?"  
"Special Agent Gibbs has taken away my guns. He gave me back my knife but I still feel undressed without them."  
Jenny chuckles. "I think you mean under dressed and Agent Gibbs had every right to remove your firearms. There is the issue of your proficiency test and you also need to earn his trust before he will allow you to have them back."  
Ziva gives an exasperated sigh. "You know my skills are as good as anyone here and I will pass that test. Cannot you order him to give them back.?"  
"I've found that ordering Jethro to do something usually results in him doing the exact opposite."  
"But you are not only his old partner but also in the head of NCIS and..."  
As Ziva continues to talk Jen finds her mind filled with an image of huge room filled with sparkling white toilets, white basins with glittering taps and herself seated in a filmy white dress at a desk piled high with files. "Jenny?" Ziva's voice snaps her back to the moment.  
"You mean I'm the head of NCIS Ziva. The head is the person in charge. In the head means in the toilet."  
"Oh."  
"Look I understand your frustrations Officer David but it is up to Gibbs when you get your guns back. How about we go to the range on the weekend? "  
"That is a great idea."  
"You can practice for your test and get out some of those frustrations at the same time. Kill two birds with one stone."  
"Is it an outdoor range? I have not shot birds before. I prefer people."  
Deciding it is probably wise not to ask if she means targets or live people the Director concludes the conversation. "We'll talk about it tomorrow. Good night Ziva."  
"Good night Jen."


	20. Twist 'n' Shout

NCIS Squad Room. The team are hard at work at their desks until Tony's phone begins to ring.

"Special Agent DiNozzo." He listens a moment. "What's he like?" He listens some more absently nodding his head as he does so. "That's good. It'll make our job easier. Stay with him and we'll be right there." He hangs up. "Agent Balboa has Smith's old shipmate in the conference room and apparently he's quite chatty. I love it when they're like that."  
"Why?"  
"It makes a pleasant change from having to twist people's arms to get them to talk to us."  
"You surprise me Tony. I can not believe NCIS agents would use violence to obtain information. I thought things would be different here from what I was used to at Mossad."  
"What are you talking about Officer David?"  
"You said you often use arm twisting to get people to talk to you. I am surprised such activities are approved by your superiors. Then again I can easily picture Gibbs..." she muses.  
He chuckles. "It's just an expression Ziva. We don't actually hurt anyone."  
"Oh. That is...disappointing."  
"Want to sit in on this interview? It'll be a useful experience."  
"Sure. I mean thanks."

NCIS Conference Room.

"So we know from his phone records that petty officer Smith kept in regular contact with you."  
"Yes."  
"What we need to know about is when you last spoke to him."  
"I'm not sure what information you think I have agent DiNozzo. We'd talk about my kids, his girlfriends, old colleagues, sport. Nothing significant."  
"We're trying to find out anything we can about where he might have been, who he might have talked to, what sort of mood he was in these past two weeks. Anything at all you can tell us will be helpful."  
"He showed up at my place last week. Late Wednesday evening. Didn't call first. I think he might have been drinking."  
"What makes you think that?"  
"Just the way he was acting although I didn't smell it on his breath."  
"Go on."  
"He wanted me to give him some money and when I said I couldn't help he started getting agitated.I offered to let him stay the night but he wasn't interested. He kept saying he needed the money and that I owed it to him. Then he began banging on the front door and yelling so I had to tell him where to go and I..."  
"You gave him directions to somewhere else? Where was that?" Ziva interrupts.  
"What?"  
"The place where he went after seeing you. It might be important."  
"Huh?"  
Ziva's phone rings and she steps outside to take the call. "Is she for real?"  
"Oh, yes. She's just moved here."  
Ziva comes back in. "Now Mr Jones you were just about to tell me where you sent petty officer Smith."  
"Nowhere."  
"Is that another of your small country towns?" She asks with a puzzled frown.  
"No, Ziva. Telling someone where to go is an expression. It basically means telling them to get lost."  
"Then why did he not just say that?" Tony rolls his eyes. "Gibbs wants me back in the squad room and for you to finish up the interview."  
"O.K." She leaves.  
"Well she certainly is different."  
"That she is Mr Jones. That she is."


	21. A Whiter Shade Of Pale

Autopsy.  
The double doors swish open causing the medical examiner to turn from his desk and smile with welcome at the newest team member. "Officer David. What can I do for you?"  
"Special Agent Gibbs sent me down to see if I could assist you. With Abby and Palmer both out sick he thought you could do with an extra pair of hands to help move the body or hand you instruments or take notes or whatever."  
"I would be delighted to have you join me." Ducky rises from his chair and crosses to the autopsy table.  
"As I am the least screamish it was decided I was the person best suited to the task."  
"I think you mean squeamish Ziva and considering what was done to the lieutenant..." he waves a hand over the corpse "and his colleague..." he waves a hand in the direction of the autopsy drawers "that is a very good thing." He starts to look over the instrument tray. "It really was beyond the pale. Both literally and figuratively actually." He gives a small chuckle.  
"What?"  
"Are you familiar with the expression, Officer David?"  
"I have heard of it, yes. It means someone has done something unacceptable. That is one way of looking at murder, I guess."  
"I didn't mean that. Do you know where the expression comes from?" Ziva shakes her head. "It's from medieval times. A fortress was built with thick stone walls in a circle. Towers for archers. Massive wooden doors. A moat and a drawbridge. Inside the circle of walls would be a courtyard. When attacked the villagers would race inside, the drawbridge would be raised, the massive doors closed. Everyone inside would be safe."  
"I see." She nods and he leans across the table and takes her hand holding it with the palm up. He circles it with a finger.  
"All around are the walls, for protection." He stops moving his finger and rests it on the soft centre of her palm. "This is the pale."  
"So if you are beyond the pale you are an outsider. A threat."  
"Exactly Officer David." He smiles at her as he releases her hand.  
"I understand what was done to him was 'beyond the pale' in a figurative sense. But you were saying something about literally as well?" She queries with a puzzled frown.  
"The body was found behind a children's jumping castle when it was deflated at the end of a festival in a local park. That was just my little joke." He gives a small grin.  
Fortunately she is saved from having to comment on this by the ringing of her phone. "Officer David." She listens. "O.K." She hangs up and flips the phone shut. "Gibbs wants me back upstairs. You will have to manage on your own. Sorry doctor."  
"That's quite alright my dear." She leaves and Ducky bends over the body. "Not to worry lieutenant. She's better at investigating than she is with American expressions. Now where was I?"


	22. Bookends

NCIS Squad Room.

"Hi Ziva. Where are the guys? I thought since there's no case at the moment and it's such a nice day we could all go grab some lunch. We haven't been together outside work for so long and I think..."  
"Abby!" Ziva interrupts in exasperation. As much as she loves the forensic scientist sometimes her talk and walk a mile a minute style was a bit hard to take. "DiNozzo and McGee are in court."  
"WHAT? Are they in trouble again? How come I don't know about this?" She glares at Ziva.  
"It is O.K. Abby. The jury was due back sometime this morning on the Lieutenant Thompson case and Commander Coleman called to tell them so they could be there. You know they put so much effort into that investigation they wanted to be there to see the end."  
"Oh."  
"And here they are." Tony and Tim walk past Abby and sit at their desks.  
"So what happened guys? Did they put the baddies away? Did they? Did they?"  
"You really need to cut back on the Caf-Pow! Abby." Toy grins at her. "And yes. Thanks to the brilliant work of yours truly the bad guys did get put away. Commander Coleman did a nice job too and the judge threw the book at Lieutenant Thompson."  
"That could really hurt."  
"What was that Officer David?"  
"Did it hurt?"  
"Did what hurt?"  
"Lieutenant Thompson. Was he hurt by having a book thrown at him?"  
"Ah, no Ziva. That just means that the judge came down hard on him. Imposed the maximum penalty possible."  
"Oh."  
"After what that s-o-b did I'm really glad we got this result."  
"Me too. Well done Tony."  
"Thank you Officer David."  
"Me three."  
"Thanks Abby."  
"So now can we go to lunch? I'm starving. I'm so hungry I could eat a horse." They head towards the elevator with Tony and Abby slightly ahead of Tim and Ziva. Ziva leans into Tim and whispers "Abby eats horse? Is it a delicacy?" Tim sighs. Introducing Officer David to idiomatic expressions was obviously going to be an ongoing process.


	23. True Colours

Ziva and Tony look up from their desks as Tim enters the bullpen.  
"What's happening probie-one? Abby found anything useful in the evidence we brought back from the victim's house and office?"  
"No, not yet" McGee replies as he settles back in at his desk.  
"What's taking her so long?" Tony whines. "I know we brought back stacks of stuff but she usually works much faster than this. Has the Caf-Pow! machine broken down or something?"  
"It has not been _that_ long DiNozzo. She said she's going as fast as she can and that she doesn't need any help. She does seem to be a bit off colour though so that might be slowing her down."  
"Abby was telling obscene jokes instead of doing her work? Maybe she has been hanging around DiNozzo too long." Ziva grins at them.  
"Huh?"  
"What are you talking about Ziva?"  
"McGee said Abby was off colour."  
"So?"  
"That means telling slightly rude, obscene jokes right? Off colour jokes, yes?"  
"Ah, well in this case actually no although it can mean that too. In this case it simply means Abby is feeling a bit ill, a bit off colour."  
"Oh."  
"Not to worry. She'll get some Caf-Pow! into her and be right as rain in no time. In the meantime I'll go and give her a hand."  
"She turned me down when I offered."  
"Ah but I'm the senior field agent McGee." Tony leaves.  
After a few minutes thinking Ziva asks "How can rain be right?"

*A/N - This isn't the chapter I intended posting this weekend but as I said I would and I'm a little 'off colour' myself you get this instead.I'd apologize but you know what that's a sign of!*


	24. Bird Watching

*This one is for my American research assistant. Sorry Angy but you're still not getting paid!*

NCIS Squad Room. Mid December.

"You're cutting it fine McRolex" comments Tony looking pointedly at his watch as McGee hurries across the bull pen and settles in at his desk.  
"It's the snow. All the roads were more like ski runs."  
"Yeah, I know. I'm thinking of getting a sleigh."  
"I think it is nice" chimes in Ziva from across the room.  
"Well at least I made it and I'm still alive. Where's Gibbs?"  
"In with the Director. The scuttlebutt is it's about his dealing with the CIA on the Hanari case last month. I heard someone, somewhere has made a complaint. Gibbs is probably getting the riot act read to him as we speak."  
"Riot act? Has some new terrorism legislation been released?"  
The guys chuckle. "No, Ziva. It just means the Director is well..." DiNozzo thinks a moment. "Telling Gibbs off and how to behave in the future. That is what 'reading someone the riot act' means."  
"Oh." A few minutes later and silence of the bull pen is broken by an exclamation from Tony.  
"Oh, my God. Oh, my God." He pushes his chair away from his desk whilst staring at his monitor as if trying to burn the image contained there onto his brain. Used to his outbursts David and McGee continue their work unconcerned.  
"What is it Tony? You monthly picture from Big Bare Breasted Babes?" asks Ziva.  
"No, this is so much better than that. Although it is a bit unfair. This could be me."  
"What is it Tony?" questions McGee turning from his computer.  
"Come and take a look." McGee walks over from his desk to do so. "It's an email with photos from Agent Brown."  
"The agent who replaced you on the USS Seahawk?"  
"Exactly Ziva."  
"And what is _so_ exciting about photos of a boat?"  
"These are not photos of a boat Ziva. The Seahawk is docked in Sydney, Australia. I've never been but I've heard it's better than Puerto Rico and you know how I love Puerto Rico. The weather, the beaches, the babes in bikinis."  
"Tony that is almost poetry."  
"Thanks probie." They continue to look at the photos until a few moments later they both cry out and pull back from the screen.  
"What's wrong?"  
"In amongst the photos of hot women Brown inserted some close ups." DiNozzo is shaking his head and blinking as if to erase the last image from his eyes.  
"Of what?"  
"A guy...beautiful beach...weather looked perfect...hairy...budgie smugglers.." Tony splutters.  
"What? Agent Brown sent you a photo of some guy who smuggles birds. Is he working a case with ICE? A budgie is a bird right?"  
"Yes, Ziva a budgie is a bird. One of the top five birds for a pet in America along with parakeets, cockatiels, finches and canaries, love birds and African Grey Parrots. However budgie smugglers does not refer to a person who smuggles birds."  
"To what does it refer then?"  
"Have a look at this." Ziva walks over from her desk and gasps when she sees the photo on Tony's monitor. "Those tight, tiny swimming trunks are budgie smugglers?"  
"Yes."  
"I think they should be banned. That is not a good look."  
"You might be onto something there Officer David. I'm going for coffee." Tony leaves and the other two sit back at their desks. Ziva sighs.  
"What's up Ziva?"  
"It is Tony."  
"What about Tony?"  
"I really thought his experiences undercover, you know with Jeanne Benoit had changed him. Made him grow up a little in relation to his dealings with women but this shows he's just the same as always."  
"Hmm but if he changed too much he wouldn't be Tony very special agent sex machine DiNozzo that we all know and ah tolerate right?"  
"Right. I guess you really can't expect a zebra to change its stripes."


	25. Walking The Dog

**Warning: This story contains content that may offend some readers.**

NCIS Interrogation.

Gibbs is staring across the table at a young man wearing a Marine uniform.

NCIS Observation.

"Ah, what a joy it is to see the master at work. The classic silent stare down technique. I estimate our suspect will break right about..." Tony looks at his watch. "Now." He and Ziva stare intently through the glass.

NCIS Interrogation.

"O.K. O.K. I'll admit it Special Agent Gibbs. It was all my fault." In the observation room Tony turns to grin at Ziva but Gibbs gives no indication he has heard and continues to stare. "It was totally my responsibility. I will happily and freely admit, without even calling on a lawyer that it was my mistake. I screwed the pooch but I did not, I repeat did not kill Smith to keep that fact a secret."  
"So who do you think did?"  
"I can give you some names."  
"Then write." Gibbs tosses a pad and pen across the table.

NCIS Observation.

"Well it looks like we're back to square one. Damn. I thought for sure we'd got our guy." Tony whines turning to Ziva who is frowning in concentration. "What is it Officer David? Have you had an idea who are murderer might be?"  
"Huh? Oh, no sorry. I was just thinking."  
"About what?" Tony asks impatiently.  
"His admission. To screw means to have sex, right?"  
"Yes. To make the beast with two backs, do the horizontal salsa, to..."  
"Tony!"  
"Sorry."  
"And a pooch is a dog..." she muses.  
"Or what the probie has instead of a girlfriend." DiNozzo grins. "What's your point?"  
"I am wondering why the lieutenant was so happy to admit to having ah...relations with an animal. Then again it is a much lesser offence than murder I suppose." There is a snort from the corner of the room where the sound technician is trying desperately to hold back his laughter.  
"What?"  
"Ah, Ziva..." DiNozzo begins hesitantly.  
"What?"  
"The lieutenant was not admitting to having as you put it relations with an animal. To screw the pooch is a military term meaning to make a mistake."  
"Oh."  
"It's just one in a long line of military abbreviations, acronyms and expressions. Things like TAD, scuttlebutt, SNAFU, FUBAR, ComSubPac..." He is interrupted by McGee entering the room. "Abby wants us in the lab now."  
As they follow him out Ziva thinks "SNAFU and FUBAR? I obviously still have a lot to learn."


	26. Alice's Story

NCIS Conference Room.  
Tony is trying to build rapport with a witness but Ziva's becoming a little impatient.

"So, I guess that covers the basic background information petty officer Thomas. Now we..."  
"Call me Alice" she interrupts smiling at him.  
"O.K., Alice. Now we need some more detail. Such as..."  
"When exactly it was that you and petty officer Simon James broke in." Ziva interrupts glaring at the young woman.  
"I am sorry, Officer David but I don't understand the question."  
"Well..." Tony tries to intercede but Ziva is too quick.  
"It is a simple question. When did you and petty officer James break in?"  
"Huh?"  
"She means when did the two of you break up?"  
Alice smiles as understanding dawns. "Oh. It was about three, no it would be closer to four weeks ago now."  
"Right. That is not the last time you saw him though was it?"  
"No. As I'm sure people have told you Officer David I was with a group of friends McMurphy's Bar the night he was killed."  
"Ah." Ziva makes a note of this fact.  
"But lots of other people were there too." Alice turns to DiNozzo as he is obviously the more sympathetic of the two. "I swear Agent DiNozzo it was just a coincidence. I did not know he was going to be there and I had nothing to do with him ending up dead in the alley behind the bar several hours later. I didn't even speak to him."  
"Coincidences happen every day Alice. Just tell me the facts. For instance who arrived first?"  
"I did Agent Dinozzo with my friends. We were actually thinking of leaving when he showed up with his buddies."  
"And then?" Ziva asks in a tone clearly indicating she does not believe a word of this.  
"Then nothing Officer David. They ordered drinks and settled in at a table and we left. A couple of his buddies nodded at me as we walked by but Simon was so off his face I don't think he even noticed me. Then I went home."  
"And do you have anyone who can verify this petty officer?"  
"I'm sure my flatmate will be happy to."  
"That is all for now petty officer Thomas. I am sure we'll speak again soon. If you just wait here I'll call someone to show you out."  
"Thank you Agent DiNozzo, Officer David." After an agent shows up to escort her from the room Tony turns to Ziva. "I think she was telling the truth. I've said all along I think this was related to James work not his personal life and I still stand by that."  
"I do not agree Tony."  
"Why?"  
"One thing she said that is puzzling me."  
"What's that?"  
"If she did not see petty officer James after leaving the bar then how do you explain her knowing that he was missing his head? You know McGee found it in that dumpster further down the alley. She must have known this because she was the one who killed him or at least witnessed it happening." Tony bursts out laughing.  
"WHAT?"  
"She said that when she saw him he was off his face."  
"So?"  
"It doesn't mean he was missing his head just that he was very, very drunk."  
"Oh. Well I still think she needs to be investigated more. I will take another look at her service record." Ziva leaves and Tony chuckles again abruptly stopping when he remembers McGee standing in the dumpster holding up the head. "This job is never dull" he mutters to himself as he walks back to the squad room and with Ziva's continuing education into vernacular expressions it was not likely to become so any time soon.


	27. A Question Of Honor

NCIS Squad Room. The team are reading their mail.  
"Oh, my. Oh no." Tony and Ziva look up at their colleague's exclamation.  
"What is it probie one?"  
"Ah...that is...ah..." They cross the room to his desk.  
"What's wrong?"  
Tim chuckles. "It's nothing guys. Just a surprise that's all."  
"You're as white as a sheet McGee. It must be something."  
"Well I must admit it is a little terrifying but I guess it really is a compliment and a challenge. It's an honor. I'll have to do it."  
"Have you been given a new assignment McGee?"  
"No, Ziva. I that is Mr Thom Gemcity has been asked to give the keynote address at the Sherlock Holmes Writers Conference later in the year." He smiles proudly.  
"Is that all. I thought it was something important" scoffs Tony.  
"Congratulations McGee. I think it is nice you were asked."  
"Thank you Ziva." Tim glances at his watch. "I said I'd go down and help Abby with some upgrades." He leaves and the other two get back to work until a few minutes later Ziva thinks of a question.  
"Tony?"  
"Yes, Officer David."  
"White as a sheet, it means extremely pale as if frightened right?"  
"Correct."  
"But why?"  
"I don't understand."  
"Why is as a sheet? I can think of lots of other things that are always white but sheets are not."  
"Ah."  
"I mean in my bedroom right now the sheets are a lovely shade of..." She breaks off as she notices DiNozzo trying not to drool over his paperwork as he pictures her bedroom. "Tony!"  
"Sorry. No, I don't know the answer to that."  
"Hm." She returns to her paperwork with a sigh and the thought so many expressions so little time.


	28. Tony's Help

NCIS Squad Room.

"I'm not sure this is a good idea Tony."  
"Why? You were quite keen when I brought it up last week."  
"Quite keen?"  
"O.K. O.K. A bit keen." McGee just stares at him. "This is a great opportunity for you."  
Over at her desk Ziva is trying to work out what her colleagues are talking about.  
"I know Tony. There's a lot of reasons it's a good idea but I feel..."  
"Come on McDoubtful. Man up. Besides you can't get cold feet now after all the effort I've expended on your behalf to make this happen." He glares jokingly at McGee.  
Ah thinks Ziva to herself. This is getting interesting. Tony doing Tim a good turn. What on earth was going on?  
"_All_ the effort you've put into this?"  
"Well I did have to make a few phone calls." DiNozzo grins. McGee just stares at him.  
"And some of them were long. Face it McGee you need all the help you can get in this area."  
"Yes, thank you Tony. It's just that there's so may things to consider."  
''Hm You're right there and none of us will be happy if you mess up again. I know. Let's go to lunch and I'll give you some tips. Some advice based on all my experience in this area."  
McGee rolls his eyes but Tony is digging in his desk drawer and doesn't see. "O.K. then." They stand up from their desks and cross the bullpen. "Want to join us Ziva?'  
"No, thanks. I really need to finish this report for Gibbs."

The guys leave and Ziva continues her report daydreaming from time to time whilst trying to figure out what they were talking about. "Ah ha!" She looks around to see if anyone has heard her but fortunately her colleagues are still at lunch. She'd remembered some scuttlebutt (and she gives herself a mental pat on the back for knowing the expression) about a TAD in some remote and possibly rather cold location. Although it would mean leaving the Navy Yard a temporary assigned duty elsewhere would be good for an agent to learn new skills and show their ability. It sounded like McGee had applied for it and Tony had helped him. I wonder what I can do to show my support she thinks as Tony and Tim arrive back.

NCIS Squad Room. A Few Days Later.

"Here you go McGee. " Ziva hands him a package.  
"What's this?"  
"Just a small gift to wish you luck."  
"Huh?"  
"Just open it." He does as Tony looks over with undisguised curiosity as to why Ziva would be giving McGee a gift. Tim takes out a packet of woolly socks and a pair of slippers. "Thanks Ziva but what are you giving me these for?"  
"To congratualte you on your new posting and to keep your feet warm while you're there."  
"My new posting? Ziva what are you talking about?"  
"Yeah, Ziva. What's going on? Is this wishful thinking? You want to be alone on the team with me? I'm sure the probie is not going anywhere."  
"But I heard you talking the other day. I thought you had helped him to get that TAD. Somewhere cold." Ziva is frowning in puzzlement. The guys laugh.  
"It was a nice thought Ziva but I'm not going anywhere. DiNozzo was giving me advice on...that is help with..." McGee starts to stutter and turn red.  
"What!"  
"I've set him up on a date."  
"Oh."  
"Yes. You know he needs all the help he can get in that area."  
"I do not."  
"Do too."  
"You're all going to be needing help if you don't get back to work right now!" A gruff voice barks from behind Tony.  
"On it Boss" his team reply scurrying to look busy at their desks. As Gibbs passes Tim's he remarks "Nice slippers McGee."


	29. Shakedown

NCIS Interrogation.

"So that covers what you thought of Lieutenant Bale's work Petty Officer James now tell me what your feelings were for her as a person."  
"I didn't have feelings for her Agent Gibbs. She was just a colleague."  
Gibbs' stare somehow manages to imply he thinks this is not true. "O.K. then. Tell me what she was like as a colleague."  
"Well, to put it simply she was arrogant, a bully and liked to throw her weight around. She enjoyed making snide remarks and humiliating junior personnel just because she could. Everyone hated her."

NCIS Observation Room.

"Hmm. That is different from what her family was saying. I knew she sounded too good to be true."  
"Family is often the last to know Ziva. Damn. That widens our suspect pool. He's just given all her co-workers a motive. I thought for sure this was our guy."  
"What makes you think he is not? Just because other people hated her does not mean it was not James who killed her."  
"Good point Officer David. You really need to work on your sentence structure."  
"Whatever. My money is still on him."  
"Let's see."

NCIS Interrogation.

"So basically you disliked her because she was in charge and not you?"  
"No, Agent Gibbs. What can I say to make you understand how truly evil she was." Gibbs just stares. "I know. This is probably one of the worst things she did. She ordered me to have Casey put down. I tried to argue against it. Even offered some alternative options but she wouldn't listen. She knew how strongly I felt. I mean I know that was part of her job and everything but the way..." The petty officer is starting to shake a little.

NCIS Observation.

"Ah ha!"  
"Ah ha, what?"  
"To put someone down is to snub or humiliate them yes?"  
"Yes."  
"But to have someone put down is to have them killed. Lieutenant Bale ordered the petty officer to kill this Casey person and then James killed her out of revenge. A nice strong motive. Or someone close to Casey came after Bale in revenge. One motive and some new suspects. This is going well." Ziva grins.  
DiNozzo chuckles. "I can see how it might, at a stretch, be a motive for James. He and Casey did work closely together but I seriously doubt anyone else will be seeking revenge for Casey."  
"Why not? Is it because the put down was sanctioned? Was it a covert op.? I do not remember hearing of the case so it must have been unless somehow it was civilian jurisdiction."  
DiNozzo chuckles again.  
"What!" Sometimes the urge to use her paperclips on him was almost overwhelming.  
"Yes the putting down of Casey was sanctioned but it wasn't a case and I don't think anyone would think it a motive for murder. You see Casey was a dog."  
"Oh. One of the bomb detection dogs the team was using?"  
"Yes and usually the term 'putting down' is used to refer to the killing of animals not people."  
"I will try to remember that." Her phone rings. "Officer David." She listens a moment. "Thanks." She hangs up. "Abby wants us." As they head for the lab Ziva thinks to herself that the death of Casey really was a bit of a red earring.


	30. Rampaging Zebras

Tony is humming as he crosses the squad room to his desk and sits down. "Good morning Ziva, probie." He greets them with a big grin.  
"You are looking awfully pleased with yourself DiNozzo."  
"I am?"  
"Yes. Like the cat that got the mouse."  
"The cream Ziva. The cream."  
"But cats catch mice. That is an action a cat would be most satisfied with."  
"Oh, never mind."  
"So why are you looking so happy DiNozzo?"  
"I had a drink last night with a friend from when I was in Baltimore PD."  
"A _female _friend?"  
"No. He's in town for a training and told me the best gossip about the devil's spawn at the FBI."  
"The devil spawn?"  
"Remember Ziva when Tony was accused of murder."  
"How could I forget."  
"Devil's spawn is his favorite name for Agent Slacks, ah I mean Sacks."  
"Thanks for the background Mr McMemory. Anyway as I was saying apparently there was some serious mistakes made on a major case he was in charge of. Luckily it didn't stop them getting the bad guy."  
"And why does this make you happy Tony?"  
"Because my friend told me the word is that heads are going to roll and as the senior agent Sacks will have no choice but to fall on his sword."  
"Is he part Japanese?"  
"What? No."  
"Oh. I thought falling on ones sword might be taken from the ritual Japanese hara-ki ri. You know suicide by disembowelment when in disgrace. Though in this case I assume it means taking responsibility and not literally falling on a sword , yes?"  
"Correct. No matter how plesant the thought of Sacks being disemboweled is this time he's only going to get in trouble..."  
"As are you if you don't get back to work" barks a gruff voice from behind him.  
"On it Boss."

NCIS Autopsy. Later In The Day.

"So your initial diagnosis was correct doctor."  
"And that surprises you?"  
"Ah, no. I was just stating a fact. I didn't mean to imply..."  
"It's O.K. Mr Palmer. I know what you were trying to say. Let this be a lesson to you."  
"Huh?"  
"That the most common answer is usually but not always the right one. As the saying goes if you hear hooves..." He pauses as the doors swish open to admit Ziva and Tony.  
"Good timing. I have confirmation on the cause of death. It was exactly as I predicted to Gibbs. Now where was I?"  
"If you hear hooves..." Jimmy begins.  
"Think horses not zebras."  
"He was kicked to death by a horse?"  
"No."  
"So it was a zebra? Had he been at a zoo?  
"No, Officer David. He was strangled. The petechial hemorrhaging in the eyes was a sign..."  
"So where do the horses and zebras come into it doctor?" Ziva interrupts impatiently.  
"It's an expression. Meaning the most obvious or common answer is usually the right one. In this case the symptoms which could have been caused by a number of things were caused by the most common thing. You know this reminds me of case back in 84 or was it 85? I..."  
"Thanks Ducky. We'll tell Gibbs it's confirmed. Do you have anything else?" interrupts DiNozzo.  
"I sent some blood up to Abby. It really was the most fascinating case and..."  
"We've got to check in with Abby. Thanks Dr Mallard."  
"You're quite welcome my dear." They leave and Ducky turns back to the body on the table. "Well maybe _you'd _like to hear about the case? In the summer of 85 or was it the spring..."


	31. Gone Fishing

DiNozzo pauses by the car and looks across to his colleague. "I'm not happy with this."  
"Why?"  
"Something smells distinctly fishy."  
"We are in an alley behind a _seafood_ restaurant Tony. Of course it smells fishy." She rolls her eyes.  
"No. What I meant was something is not right here."  
"Then why didn't you just say that. What is wrong?"  
He glances up and down the alley. "Something the waiter said maybe. It'll come to me. Let's head back and see what's happening." They get in the car.

NCIS Interrogation. Later In The Day.

"Are we done here Special Agent Gibbs? I do have other fish to fry you know." The young man asks with a suggestive smile." Gibbs doesn't respond.

NCIS Observation.

"Fish to fry? Is he moonlighting at the restaurant?" Ziva asks proud that she has remembered the term moonlighting.  
"No. It just means he has things to do."  
"Things more important than clearing his name of a murder charge?"  
"The Boss is not going to like this."

NCIS Interrogation.

"No, we are _not _done. Names petty officer Jackson. I want names."  
"But do you know what will happen to me if I give you names Special Agent Gibbs?"  
"Yes." Gibbs just stares at the man on the opposite side of the table.  
"These guys have links to the mob. To the mafia. If I give you names I'll be swimming with the fishes before you know it. My life will be over." Gibbs just continues to stare.

NCIS Observation.

"That is something I have always wanted to do."  
"What's that Ziva?"  
"Swim with the fish or better still swim with sharks. Somewhere like the Channel Islands or the Outer Banks in North Carolina. Or a friend of mine said the Great Barrier Reef in Australia is pretty amazing."  
"Ah, Ziva..." Tony starts but is then interrupted by a shout from the other room.

NCIS Interrogation.

"You know what they'll do?"  
"Yes but what do you think I'll do to you if you don't?"  
"Oh." After a momentary pause the petty officer picks up the pen and begins to write.

NCIS Observation.

"Is witness protection really that bad Tony?"  
"Huh?" As is quite often the case Tony is puzzled by Ziva's question.  
"Well this guy was worried if he gave the names to Gibbs he'd be swimming with the fishes and his life would be over. I assume he's talking about going into protective custody and then being hidden in the witness protection program somewhere." There is a snort from the corner of the room as the sound tech desperately tries to hold in his laughter.  
"Out!" DiNozzo points at the door.  
"Sorry" mutters the tech as he rushes out the door.  
"Hmm. Where to begin..."  
"What?"  
"Witness protection is not that bad Officer David but that was not what he was talking about."  
"He was not?"  
"No. To swim or to sleep with the fishes is term often applied to mob killings. Sometimes referred to as wearing concrete shoes and meaning..."  
"For the person to be killed, weighted down and deposited in a deep body of water somewhere?"  
"Correct Officer David." They leave observation and head for the squad room.

NCIS Squad Room. McGee is at his desk.

"We are getting nowhere. I feel it is going to be a long night." Ziva sits at her desk.  
"Yeah. We'd better ring for some food. How about pizza?" DiNozzo sits at his.  
"Good idea Tony. What sort?"  
"How about seafood?" Tim chimes in.  
"I think probie we've had as much fish as two federal employees can handle for one day."  
"I quite agree" Ziva adds as she and Tony start laughing.  
"What?" asks McGee exasperatedly but they just continue to laugh and don't answer.


	32. Nature Loving Tony

*Not suitable for younger readers.*

Rock Creek Park.

"Hey McGee have you found anything yet?" Ziva calls out as she ducks under the crime scene tape and walks over to him.  
"You've not been gone _that_ long." He grins up at her from his position crouched by a pile of leaves. She looks at her watch.  
"Oh. The guy who found the body was so anxious to help I thought I'd have to hear his life story before getting away. Where is DiNozzo?" She pulls her gloves from her pocket and pulls them on.  
McGee gestures vaguely at the surrounding trees. "Had to answer a call of nature." He resumes searching.  
"Tony did?"  
"Yes."  
"And you just let him even though we have the site of a dead body to process?"  
"Ah, I did. I mean he is the senior field agent Ziva. It's not that big a deal."  
"You must be pulling my leg, yes? Tony has shown no interest in this type of thing before. Unless it is the birds and the bees of course." She grins. "You know I did research you all quite thoroughly."  
McGee stands up. "What type of thing?"  
"Nature. The environment. Trees, flowers, animals." Tim laughs. "What?"  
"To answer a call of nature Ziva just means to relieve oneself."  
"And Tony is so in need of _relief _he must seek it at work? I know he has issues but..."  
"No, Ziva." McGee almost shouts, anxious to stop whatever she might say next. "Not _that _sort of relief. It just means to empty one's bladder."  
"Oh."  
"Have you guys finished searching already?" Tony calls out as he walks over to them.  
"No."  
"No."  
"Then what is so fascinating you're talking and not working?"  
"Nothing." Ziva grins at him.  
"Probie?"  
Between the option of answering Tony and the thought of what Ziva might do to him if he did his answer was obvious. "Nothing."  
"Then let's get back to it."


	33. Animal Farm

NCIS Squad Room. Late Evening.

"Yeah that day definitely goes in my worst day ever top ten."  
"What's that Abby?" Ziva asks as she walks into the bullpen. She leans forward to swipe a slice of pizza from the box on Tony's desk just as he's reaching for it.  
"Zi..." He starts to protest but on seeing the look on her face stutters to a stop.  
"The boys and I are just discussing our worst day ever top ten. I was telling them the day Bubba bought the farm had to be on my list. He was one of my best friends growing up."  
"What is sad about buying a farm? I would think it a nice dream to realise. All that space. I would like it."  
"To raise animals?"  
"No, Tony. To shoot things." She grins at him and unsure if she's being sarcastic he wisely decides not to pursue it. "So what is sad about it?" The other three chuckle. "What!" Ziva glares.  
"Ah. To buy the farm is another way of saying to die."  
"Thanks Abby and I am sorry about Bubba."  
"Thank you Officer David." She looks at her watch. "Opps. I gotta go guys. You know what the nuns will do to me if I'm late to bowling practice. Good night." She rushes to the elevator.  
"So now there is just one thing I do not understand."  
"What's that Ziva?"  
"I have heard some weird things since coming here but what kind of name is Bubba?"  
"It's a perfect name." McGee answers with a smile.  
"It is?"  
"Yes, it was a perfect name for the best damn coon dog in Jefferson county."  
"Bubba was a dog?"  
"Correct Officer David."  
As she goes to take another slice of pizza Ziva thinks to herself that whilst she was making some progress on learning to be an investigator and with the American vernacular she obviously still had a long way to go in learning to understand her colleagues and one Goth forensic scientist in particular. She would have to continue to take it one skip at a time.


	34. Calling It

This one is for Pink Wolf Princess whose pms I found encouraging and alix33 whose detailed reviews are always much appreciated.

CALLING IT.

McMurphy's Bar. Downtown. Washington, D.C.

"Well, guys I think that's me done for the evening." Tony sighs as he sits down in the booth, picks up his drink and finishes it in one long swig.  
"Ah, poor baby wouldn't she give you her number?" queries Abby as she leans over and affectionately tousles his hair.  
"Or is that she already has his number?" McGee chimes in grinning. DiNozzo glares at him.  
"She's married McMatchmaker and you know how I feel about that. She obviously wasn't smiling at me like you said she was." His colleagues laugh good naturedly and he can't help but join in.  
"I can't believe we had to send Palmer home in a cab again. Anyway it's a school night so I think we should all head home. You know how the Boss gets when we show up hungover."  
"That's just because we didn't invite him." The others just gape at Abby in disbelief for a moment and then there's a collective gathering of coats and scarves and they all head for the door.  
"Good night." McGee walks away as a chorus of good nights ring out behind him.  
"Where are you parked Tony?"  
"Just around the corner."  
"Why are you asking Officer _David_?" Abby asks emphasizing her incorrect pronunciation of Ziva's surname.  
"Tony agreed to show me some shortcuts for travelling to work."  
"I thought McGee already did that?"  
"Yeah but I'm the senior field agent Abby and I bet I know better shortcuts than the probie does."  
"Did you forget you promised to drop me at home since my hearse is in for an overhaul?"  
"No, I didn't forget it's on the way. Can we go now?" he asks impatiently.  
"Sure". They begin to walk. As Tony's car comes into view down the street Abby cries out "Shotgun!".  
Immediately Ziva knocks Abby to the ground before leaping to her feet and drawing her gun as she scans the area for signs of danger. Belatedly she realises Tony is just standing there and not reacting. "What?"  
"Are you okay Abby?"  
"Yeah. Good reflexes there Officer David."  
"Thanks. Now what is going on? Why did you shout like that?"  
"Well it's just what you say when you want to ride in the front seat. It's an expression like saying calling it when you want the last of something or when you've predicted something and it happens or..."  
"Abs!" Sometimes DiNozzo's impression of Gibbs could be scarily accurate.  
"Sorry."  
"Can we go now? I'm freezing my butt off here while you two discuss the intracies of American expressions."  
"Sure." Ziva helps Abby to her feet and they head for Tony's car. After dropping Abby at her place and showing Ziva Tony's super secret shortcuts they eventually end up outside her apartment building. "Thanks for that Tony."  
"You're welcome Ziva." She steps out of the car but before closing the door leans back in to add "There's just one thing I still do not understand."  
"What's that?"  
"What, _exactly_ is it?"  
"Huh?"  
"It? You know when you call it?"  
"Ah. That's one for another time. Good night Ziva."  
"Night Tony." She shuts his car door and walks away without a backward glance. As he drives home Tony thinks that having Ziva on the team was probably going to lead to some interesting times.


End file.
